The Perfect Dilemma
Perfection doesn’t exist.
Searching for perfection is a certain route to frustration.
The only perfect thing is being imperfect.
The perfect dilemma.
What is that drive some have to find perfection?
In ourselves, other people, partners, colleagues, work, and life.
Some of us look for perfection, which, more often than not, turns out to be a never ending, intensely frustrating search. A state of mind grown from earlier experiences or a tainted view on the world.
Often our desire to be perfect or to find perfection in what we do comes from comparison to something we see in others.
Comparisons are everywhere, and what we think to be perfection is everywhere too.
The filters we create in our own thinking, based on our state of mind and formation of thoughts and opinions, creates a bridge right over reality. Our brains conveniently neglect what is really there.
I’ll give you an example. I happened upon a couple of guys who bought an old manor house and are ‘doing it up’. They decided to document their progress so we, the lucky viewers can witness their progress. It’s fascinating, a wonderfully framed view into their world. These guys are extraordinarily meticulous in the work they are doing to restore this building. Roof tiles are scrubbed, 300 years of plaster is removed to reveal the traditional walls, and beams are scraped, sanded and massaged back to original form. The results are beautiful. They are creating a living museum with a modern touch. It’s extraordinary. It’s…perfect.
I can see it’s perfect. I wish I had the time, energy, money, patience, and opportunity to do what they are doing. It’s perfect.
Though, of course it’s not. Because what is perfect?
That old house, when it was first built back in 1740 had wonky beams from oak trees hand cut just down the road. The bricks were probably hand made in the village kiln by a 15 year old apprentice and were laid by the older brother who had no interest in straight lines or stability. He wanted to earn a few pennies to spend in the village pub, so the walls were built, however they were built. The hefty wooden doors, that still hang on the chunky original hinges were rough hewn and attached to hand forged metal work from the local Smithy. Everything was done by eye. The craftsmanship is amazing, it’s beautiful. But it wasn’t perfect back then. 300 years on it’s still not perfect.
Yet I see perfection.
Those of us who struggle with the idea that everything we do needs to be perfect are looking at what we do through a narrow frame. The vision we have is specific, and if what we’ve done is not within the constraints of that frame, then it’s not good enough - it’s not perfect.
Thinking back to this house restoration once again, I see what these guys are doing as perfect, yet I have no doubt they will look at the same room, or beam or floorboard and see 100 things they still need to do. Their frame is narrow, because it’s theirs, it’s important to them, they’ve spent time on it and really care. To everyone else, who’s frame is far wider, or even non existent, what they’ve done is perfection.
So when we find ourselves battling with the need for perfection, we must find a way to broaden our frame of vision.
How?
Remember, it’s our environment, experiences, and interactions that have caused us to create a tight frame through which we view our world.
We created it; we can choose to break it down.
The way we see things is always different from the way others see it. We are our own worst critics.
Remove our self-criticism, and what lies before us is immediately a better product.
That perfect person sees floors in themselves. That perfect book is problematic to the author. The director of the perfect movie can’t watch the movie without seeing things they’d wish they’d changed.
Even the most beautifully perfect thing has flaws. Nothing is perfect.
Recognise that something is better than nothing.
As long as we’ve worked hard, committed, and put love into what we do, then it will be just right.
To a ‘perfectionist', this is a hard thing to accept and change, but it’s worth changing becasue:
The greatest performers do not see themselves as perfect. But they have put their work out there time and time again, widening their own frames to the extent that allows them to produce.
What the onlooker sees is a perfect product. We then compare to that ‘perfection’, but it’s not. It’s simply the result of relentlessly releasing imperfect but ever improving work.
Expand your frame.
Be relentlessly imperfect.